Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Why Bother?
Do you ever just feel like you absolutely don't want to do anything? Anything at all? I have those days quite often. It's not a lazy sort of feeling. It's a "why bother" sort of feeling. Why bother disciplining my children when it's a daily thing and if they haven't learned the rules by now......why bother??? Why should I do my dishes when they are just going to pile up again? It is so much easier using paper plates. Then I don't have to listen to my kids argue over who's turn it is to do the dishes. So why bother? Why should I wash the clothes and towels when they are just going to end up on the floor anyways because nobody knows how to put them away properly. Why bother? Why put the roll of toilet paper on the roll because it always ends up falling in the toilet, getting wet, and sitting on the edge of the counter. But NOBODY EVER knows who did it and how it got there. Why bother? Why bother having garbage cans in every room of the house when nobody knows how to use them? I swear, I pick up enough used tissues and torn paper and Popsicle wrappers to fill a dumpster on a daily basis. Why bother? Do you get the feeling that I am feeling a bit frustrated right now? I know I wasn't a perfect child by any means, and I made my share of messes and had my lazy moments. But I also know that when I was disciplined by my parents about doing something wrong, it made me feel bad. And I learned from it. My children can't seem to grasp that concept. What am I doing wrong? I go over the same teachings every single solitary day about how to pick up after themselves. How to put the laundry away. How to actually take the initiative to help out around the house. Because we ALL live here and we are ALL responsible for taking care of it. But I swear they tune me out when I am talking to them about it. You can see their eyes glaze over and zone out. And then when I ask them about something, they can never remember me talking to them about it. Am I the only one that has this problem with their kids??? Please tell me I'm not. Please, oh please tell me I'm not. I just don't know how to get them to appreciate and care and most importantly, to have respect for ME and what I have to say to them. I can't understand where I went wrong in my teachings. I just get to the point that I lock myself in my room because I don't know what to do. Why bother?
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4 comments:
I would say take away the things that are important to them, i.e., their favorite toy, a cell phone, TV, play time, etc. and possibly set aside one hour out of every day where all they do is clean. But separate them while they do it so there is no fighting. Maybe make a daily calendar and mark on each day whose turn it is to do each chore, that way there isn't any fighting about whose turn it is. YOU make it their turn.
My suggestion is BOTHER! BOTHER to write down the date and offending item (popsicle sticks, cans, wrappers, etc.) which you BOTHERED to pick up. This will help regarding their memory lapses, as they won't have to BOTHER asking you what and when, since none of them will see that item or it's likeness again for a month. And they need not BOTHER telling you who did it, or the tattler can be BOTHERED with an extra month without the item. This should cause them to look out for each other, so they don't all miss out due to one person's fault. See how long they want to live without the conveniences of life. These are not rights to them, they are priveleges, and can be removed when taken for granted. BOTHER to have a rotating list of who's next in line to help out. If you notice something needs done, BOTHER your child to do it. If they complain, they get the next chore, too, and so on. And if they do it nicely, they go to the bottom of the list. Acknowledge that it may not be fair that one got a 30 second task, and the next one got a 30 minute job, but life isn't fair, and you are being a good mom to BOTHER to help them realize this. All this keeping track will be less BOTHER than doing it yourself, and it will teach your kids that they should BOTHER to respect you, since you respect yourself and are NOT their personal maid. Also, remember to BOTHER praising them for a job well-done (doing dishes, changing tp rolls, picking up after themselves and others), but only if you don't have to BOTHER asking them to do it first. If someone starts getting positive feedback, maybe they will ALL want it. Anyway, it's just a suggestion, but could be worth the BOTHER.
Wow!! Jenn and Nona have great ideas! Just when I was thinking that I could relate, and my kids are all grown. My parents used the calendar, and my sisters and I had chores that rotated on Sundays. Dad used our initials and abbreviated the job names to fit on the calendar, and we knew that week who's job was what.
No rewards until a job well done:) As they start learning to do chores, dont tell them its not good enough... Praise what they've done. My kids didn't get an allwance either. I tried to make them understand that its everyone's house and everyones job to make it nice for everyone else.. My kids were in 6th grade when they started doing their own laundry. If they didn't have clean clothes.. who's fault was it? If they mixed the dirty with the clean, who's fault was it? Clean or not.. their clothes stayed in their own rooms. If they can't throw away their garbage.. don't buy them popsicles, pop, etc.. I think kids learn pretty quick that it really doesn't take much time to do their chores if they keep things cleaned up as soon as they make the mess instead of letting it accumulate. and.. You're a good Mom :)
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